Millfield June 2018

Millfield parents meeting June 2018 – Notes and questions. 

The importance of character. 

What were your answers to the BBQ question? 

Kitrina Douglas’s story

Arthur Conan Doyle parents quote – “I have frequently gained my first real insight into the character of the parents by studying their children.” From the book ‘The adventure of the copper beeches’

“Athletes bring to the high-performance environment the models that they’ve learnt at home.” Dr Karl Steptoe

All blacks- book Legacy By James Kerr.

Sir Alex Fergusson’s grit quote from his book-Leading

Freddie Flintoff. listen to this podcast, ( just ignore Robbie’s foolishness!)

We all parent different paths-

Who is Richard Shorter–



Character focused Parenting 

Collins & MacNamara- Talent Development- A practitioner’s Guide (Supers and Almosts) and


Character focused Journeys  

  • Express pride/love before game.

Brene Brown permission slips

  • Ask the question

What do you want me to do for you on game day/ training day? (Exam day, interview day, new partner day Etc)

  • Sit with pain

  • Seek progress – Growth mindset Carol Dweck 

Character focus louder than results focus 

  • Support during ups and downs
  • Offers a way forward
  • Helps with sibling rivalry
  • Provides more space for creativity/ problem solving
  • Long-term will lead to more winning!
  •         More fun!

Character focused praise (Pitchside)

Sideline fun you can have at your club.

Character focused praise 

  • Specific (not flattery) Dr Marilyn Steele- Strengthening Families Strengthening Communities
  • Focused on process/ character – Growth mindset- Carol Dweck
  • Stretch included

Dr Ed Hall has suggested the idea of a stretch harnesses the positive emotions associated with praise and uses them to facilitate effort towards a new goal. His reading suggests the idea fits with various theories of learning and motivation, but most notably Vygotsky’s zones of proximal development.,-d-,-hall 

  • Walk away

If you are around parents who are winding you up or not being helpful. Walk away.

Millfield Brotherhood values and Actions.

How can you support these?


  1. Commitment
  2. Flexibility
  3. Sacrifice
  4. Empathetic


  1. Punctuality 
  2. Managing Stress
  3. Doing what’s best the team
  4. Willing to offer. ( On /Off pitch)

What are you going to turn up or down?

Reflection questions for parents-  

These questions are aimed at supporting your parenting creativity:


I. How as a family do you encourage risk taking?

II. What do you model about creativity?

III. What has your son said helps him most on match day?

IV. What has your son said helps most when pain comes?


I. How can you express appreciation of unique character traits in your family?

II. What three character traits would you most praise in each of your children?

III. What do your family observe about  Wellington festival’s style of leadership?

IV. How can you increase family awareness of other’s points of view?


I. How can you weekly express, with honestly, the wrestles of life?

II. As a family how can you weekly express your emotional highs and lows?

III. What would a rite of passage look like in your family?

IV. Who can you be honest with about your rugby parenting journey?

Decision making 

I. How can you tell your son you trust him?

II. Does your son know you are proud of him regardless of his rugby career?

III. When do you not talk/do rugby as a family?

IV. What questions would help your son consider the options for future decision making?


I. Where can you release your son to be more interdependent?

II. Can the coach/team contact help?

III. What weekly/monthly rhythms do you need as a family to build more character?

IV. How do you feel about your child making choices you would not?

Should you wish to explore these questions more please contact me at