England Hockey

England Hockey Meeting Oct 2018 – Notes below

Family conversations to nurture and release their potential- End in mind.

To find access the ‘Conversations for the Journey’, enabling you you building sporting character thought conversation please visit www.non-perfectdad.co.uk/books .

Thanks to all those who bought a copy. If you found it helpful, please do leave a review on Amazon.

Any questions about the questions, do please ask.

To see the GB Hockey Talent Development frame work CLICK HERE

Notes from the session.

The importance of character. 

What were your answers to the BBQ question? 

What would your son answer to “why do you play?”

Kitrina Douglas’s story  https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-29/january-2016/one-one-kitrina-douglas

Arthur Conan Doyle parents quote – “I have frequently gained my first real insight into the character of the parents by studying their children.” From the book ‘The adventure of the copper beeches’

“Athletes bring to the high-performance environment the models that they’ve learnt at home.” Dr Karl Steptoe http://www.ncsem.org.uk/parentsinsport/

All blacks- book Legacy By James Kerr.

Sir Alex Fergusson’s grit quote from his book-Leading

We all parent different paths-  http://www2.oberlin.edu/faculty/ndarling/lab/psychbull.pdf

Who is Richard Shorter–  https://non-perfectdad.co.uk/about-me/



Family conversations to nurture and release their potential

Conversation 1: The reality of family life in sport

Collins & MacNamara- Talent Development- A practitioner’s Guide (Supers and Almosts) and http://clok.uclan.ac.uk/12969/


Conversation 2 The car journey

  • Express pride/love before game.

Brene Brown permission slips https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY6hZf6kI4g

  • Ask the question

What do you want me to do for you on game day/ training day? (Exam day, interview day, new partner day Etc)


  • Sit with pain


  • Seek progress – Growth mindset Carol Dweck


Conversation 3 Whats our focus? Winning or Character?

  • Support during ups and downs
  • Offers a way forward
  • Helps with sibling rivalry
  • Provides more space for creativity/ problem solving
  • Long-term will lead to more winning!
  •         More fun!


Character focused praise (Pitchside)


Sideline fun you can have at your club. www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx4ACRFMLxg&t=24s

Conversation 4  What sort of learning environment are we? 

  • Specific (not flattery) Dr Marilyn Steele- Strengthening Families Strengthening Communities
  • Focused on process/ character – Growth mindset- Carol Dweck
  • Stretch included

Dr Ed Hall has suggested the idea of a stretch harnesses the positive emotions associated with praise and uses them to facilitate effort towards a new goal. His reading suggests the idea fits with various theories of learning and motivation, but most notably Vygotsky’s zones of proximal development.  www.northumbria.ac.uk/about-us/our-staff/h/edward-t,-d-,-hall 

  • Walk away

If you are around parents who are winding you up or not being helpful. Walk away.

What are you going to turn up or down?

Should you wish to explore these questions more please contact me at Richard@non-perfectdad.co.uk